Kingdom Hearts C
by BlakeIy
Summary: The 100th kingdom hearts installment. C Roman numeral for 100. At age 85, Sora still has his keyblade, and he's still getting more action than you! What sort of ADVENTUROUS adventures await Sora and friends! ONLY THOSE WHOSE HEARTS ARE PURE you get the point. Crack, humor, READ THE WARNING INSIDE, rating may go up to M for language, you tell me.


**Kingdom Hearts C**

**summary**: the 100th kingdom hearts installment. C = Roman numeral for 100. At age 85, Sora still has his keyblade, and he's still getting more action than you! What sort of ADVENTUROUS adventures await Sora and friends?! ONLY THOSE WHO TRULY BELIEVEyou get the point.

_****WARNING**: this story is just a PARODY. It is not my intent to offend anybody, though this story will be prone to many various stereotypes. If you are easily offended then DO NOT read this. It is supposed to be HUMOROUS, and offensive jokes will occur. I'm serious. Bad language, racism, stereotypes, etc. it's just a story, and if you can't take that then you need to just not read this. I'm not trying to sound rude or anything, but I don't want to hear people complaining to me when they see a word they don't like. Thank you.**_

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_7:35am_

Heavy eyes met daybreak. Ears that haven't been cleaned for a decade awake to the not-so-familiar sound of an alarm. Sora, the famous Keyblade Wielder known throughout the various words of the galaxies, and various galaxies of the universe, and so on, awoke. He attempted to sit up, but deemed it too much effort, and reluctantly collapsed into the extremely soft mattress.

_9:29am_

" ? Mister Sorrrrraaaaa." A tall, lean, dark-skinned woman shook the elderly man with care.

Sora, now eighty-four years old, woke up for the second time. "Huahh?! Wha?"

Placing her dainty hands on the man's back, the nurse helped him rise, laying him against the pillows. "Good morning, Mister Sora."

After collecting himself, though still shaking, the old man calmed. He looked at the lovely nurse who had helped him, and after the good five minutes it took for his brain to catch up with his eyes, he shouted.

"A NIGGER!" He cried, a pointed finger to match.

The nurse said nothing. She knew the poor old man barely had a mind left, and she knew he didn't mean it. The nurses, volunteers, and anyone else who offered their services at the nursing home had been taught how to deal with these situations.

The nurse brought the tray she'd taken in earlier over the table, laying it on Sora's lap.

"Eat up now, okay?" She placed her hand on his cheek endearingly. "Today's the day you turn eighty-five. Your children and grandchildren left a call again today; they're coming for sure." She smiled.

Sora nodded slowly. "Ah, yes, yes...thank you, Xemnas."

The nurse blinked. "My name isn't Xemnas, ."

The old man opened his mouth, making sounds that resembled a whale's mating call. He waved one of his arms in attempt to shoo the woman away, the other stabbing his breakfast with his fork.

"Ahh...ahhhh...go away Xemnas. I've already killed your black people army with my key..."

The nurse nodded and left. She wasn't sure if she should buy a pair of headphones to drown his racist comments out, or request to be switched.

_10:23am_

"Alright kids, did you make sure to use the bathroom? It's going to be a long ride."

"Mom, do we have to go? Grandpa always makes fun of me for having red hair."

"Oh, it's alright sweetie, I bought some temporary hair dye."

"Eh. What colour?"

_11:45am_

"Happy birthday, grandpa Sora!"

Two young boys, one a brunette and the other with dyed-pink hair in order to hide his gingerness, hopped on their relative's bed, swinging their arms around him and each giving them a kiss on his head.

When they let go, Granpa Sora gave the pink-headed boy a stare. "Who's the faggot with the rainbow hair?"

The nurse from before reentered, a huge, homemade cake in hand. Sora's son-in-law flicked the lights, and everyone broke out into the traditional, "happy birthday" song.

"Happy birthhhday to y-"

"AHH! DARKNESS! THAT NIGGER XEMNAS IS BACK WITH HIS DARKNESS!"

Summoning his keyblade, old-Sora flung it at the doorway. The nurse, reacting solely on instinct, used the cake as a shield, sending bits of cake and frosting around the room.

The disorientated family and young woman were quiet for a moment, before Sora's daughter improvised. "...Yaaay for the birthday boy cutting the first piece!"

So for the next few hours, the family played Clue. And, despite Sora's random PSTD outbursts and randomly asking his family members, "Who are you?", they all had a wonderful time.

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**Thanks fo reedin.**

**Let me clarify that Sora's daughter, son-in-law, and grandsons are NOT REAL CHARACTERS (no shit), they're just random, unnamed people. I probably won't continue this since I'm lazy but if I do then it'll involve him fighting. Think MermaidMan and Barnacle Boy.**

**Once again, if I offended anyone by what is CLEARLY a parody and NOT meant to be taken seriously, then either bitch about it or just message me. Idk what to tell you.**

Where did I get this idea for the story, basically there are those photos on Fcebook that will have you do something. Basically, "Rename the Title of a Videogame by its plot", so I chose Kingdom Hearts and for the rename I wrote, "Killing Niggers with a Key". For the elderly part, I just got tired of seeing all these fics titled, "KHIII". Like dude calm your tits it'll be out in a few months or whatever. Try being more original or some shit. We already saw DDD, we all know nobody gives a shit about the Heartless anymore, so chill dafuq out.


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